Without Traby

So, I venture on without Traby - at least on the blog. I know she's with me in spirit. But I noticed the last post was from June 24th which is around the time my mother started to spiral down. She died on July 30th and needless to say, that threw my whole world up in the air where it all got mixed up and came down in pieces. I was in the midst of planning a wedding. So I slipped into gear with all the plans surrounding that. And there was the holidays and then there was 3 months of depression, sinking lower and lower into a pretty bad state.

And now, I've woken up to myself, a new self that doesn't have a mother and is carrying around a whole new kind of grief and set of emotions and frankly, recognizing myself as a ver different person. So it's time to revisit this issue of health and weight. And it feels more like a new start than ever.

I've just signed up for 3 months with a personal trainer. And while I feel very strongly about the kind of help he's going to provide me in this process, I also feel very hesitant and unsure about the $$ and the kind of committment this requires. I have visions of 'The Biggest Loser' and Boot Camp in my head. I mean, already, just 1/2 hour with him this morning, kicked my butt. My legs feel weak and I feel afraid of the voices in my head telling me that I can't do it. That I'm a fool. But I have to quiet those voices, get out of my head and get moving. Literally and figuratively.

Next week I meet with him Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. And I need to be working out on my own on other days. This is such a big deal. I almost can't think about what it all really means/entails.

Here we go.