Another Sugar Free Day

So, like Traby said - keep returning and returning.  This is important because I really have that 'give up and to hell with it all' attitude in me when things get hard.  There's this cool book called The Dip which is about that very space, when doing anything - it's fun when you first start but then, it gets hard and what do you do?  Are you a person who throws in the towel or do you push through that dip.  Usually, I'm a towel-thrower.  But this is my biggest project in life I think.  It really is.  Everything else I do - if I become a mother, and being a wife, a daughter, a friend, a librarian, or even a poet (someday) this is where it all comes from.  This SELF.  And living as an addict has kept this SELF pretty small for a long time.  It's just so uncomfortable.  Day by day, all those small but SUPER difficult decisions to not eat something, to eat less of something, to choose something better, to breathe through the horror of being hungry - all of that is just so hard.  And that feeling of wearing some kind of corset is so strong and the desire to just take it off and RELAX pulls me hard.  I imagine, at some point, it won't feel so tight - but right now it does.  Like even when I'm not working, I'm working.