It's Day 11 and I feel weird saying I'm not having nearly as much trouble saying 'no' to sugar as I have in the past.  It's amazing how willingness is vital to this whole thing.  And depression-drugs don't hurt either!  This particular drug is actually used for weight loss as it curbs your appetite.  I've been taking it since July, but it's just now that I'm allowing its powers to affect me.  A little pink pill had no hope against the mighty hungry me!  But now that there's space and willingness, I'm not feeling as hungry as I expected.  I still feel it though.  In fact, when our plans to get sushi yesterday failed (whoops, forget the Steelers game!) I had about 10 minutes of panic because I was so hungry and when my well-thought-out food plans are foiled, it's fear-city for me!  And my poor dad and Maki were part of that- but I'm lucky to have 2 extraordinarily patient men in my life so we figured it out.  Bado's.  2 pieces of pizza and a big salad (just like Traby!)  I just have to breathe, breathe, breathe when that hungry comes in and starts sending out its old, and dare I say, completely untrue messages.  That's an important thing to remember - when I get hungry, the messages I get are LIES!  Have to keep that in mind. 

Getting back on this path also means a commitment to eating more at home.  VERY good stuff.  I made sesame soy meatballs and potatoes and brussel sprouts for dinner Thursday.  However, I was out with friends on Friday night.   A great new Thai place - and I had a little salmon tar tar appetizer and chicken pad thai of which I ate only 1/2.  Maki benefits these days from my eating out with friends as he always gets leftovers.  Yes, leftovers.  I try to commit to only eating 1/2 of what I order.  Portions are ginormous these days (which I used to LOVE!) but realize I go way beyond my experience of 'full' when I finish at a restaurant many times.   We made salmon and noodles for lunch on Saturday - we nearly ALWAYS go out to breakfast and lunch on Saturdays.  Now with OA at 10:30, I ate a bowl of cereal and was off.  And then came home - vs. stopping somewhere for takeout.  Saturday night was out to dinner again with a friend and I had french onion soup and 1/2 of my rueben.  Again, Maki squealed with delight (inside) to get the other 1/2.  And coffee afterwards, which usually would have been hot cocoa and a cookie, was a delicious cup of tea.  Yum.  Tea has taken on a new life for me.  Since it's been replacing dessert and/or a snack.  I'm glad I like it.  Way better than coffee.  Sunday's breakfast was out with another friend (too social this weekend!) and I had 2 poached eggs, a chai tea and 2 bites of gross oatmeal.  So hard to resist pancakes and stickies!!  But I did.  It helps to be eating with another friend who's on an eating-path that helps her make better choices too.  And dinner on Sunday was more brussel sprouts, potatoes and a hamburger.  And this morning, with my 2 poached eggs on an english muffin and an orange and my cup of tea, I feel very satisfied. 

OK - now that the boring stuff is out of the way...I was thinking this weekend about isolation vs. opening.  And so cool that Traby's last post talked a bit about that.  What it means to open up, let people know where you're at, and accept help.  Saturday's OA meeting focused on isolation and then at dinner on Saturday and breakfast on Sunday, my 2 good friends are people who often struggle with opening up and making room for help (I never do!  HA!)  It's a good bit of information for me to have.  The experience of being a friend who wants to help, and not really being permitted is no fun and definitely keeps a friendship on a certain level.  And while I understand not sharing one's 'food journey' with every person you encounter, there are some people with whom it's a good idea to share.  And I know that means vulnerability and dealing with judgment (mine and theirs) but that's courage and authenticity and that's what I'm going for these days.  So here we go!

Oh - and PS, Traby - we decided, since you and Mell and I are all trying to make different choices, that Beeson Game Night will be sugar-free!  YIPPEE!  One less worry.  We're all going to make yummy things that we can all enjoy:

• I'm making caprese skewers (tomatoes, mozz and basil)
• a big hearty, delicious salad
• cafe nuts (spicy nut blend)
• Maki's making chili and corn bread
• Mell's making a healthier version of her taco dip and something else
• Not sure what Margaret's making
• And now you can feel free to bring something good for you too!
• We'll have chips, dip and some other 'boy' friendly things, but none of our boys have big sweet tooths, so we figured they'd be fine with it.  Hooray!