Eating Well in Gettysburg

So Maki and I are in Gettysburg this weekend - our mutual interest in the Civil War has led us to watching, reading, and now visiting anything Civil War. Several years ago I teased Traby endlessly for going to Gettysburg with her very cool hubby, Darren. Going so far as calling it 'Nerdburg' and writing 'you're 65' in their guidebook. I eat my words. It's a pretty cool place, ripe with history and stories. I admit without shame my excitement. Of course, going on any kind of trip in the midst of a 'get healthy plan' is tricky. I did stop and pick up some healthy snacks before leaving (water, lowfat wheat thins, curve granola bars, 2 pink lady apples, carmel rice cake-thingies and some pretzels) as I get terribly anxious and make bad decisions when I'm hungry. So I figured its' safer to have some food around so that I don't arrive at any meal totally starving. It's worked really well. And as everyone knows, eating on the road (specifically the PA turnpike) especially difficult for the health-conscious. The only (yes, the only!) rest stop open on our leg of the trip was a Sbarro's. Eww. But I got 2 meatballs and part of a soft pretzel. Not the best meal, but better than what I would have gotten if I was inside my usual eating habits. Greasy pizza anyone? And of course, we're staying at a B&B and I was wise enough to call ahead of time and let the owner know I was going SF for our stay. She was more than happy to accomodate. They always are, as has been my experience. And dinner, though it sounds lame, was at Perkins (we don't have one near us and they far exceed any comparable restaurants - ie: Eat-n-Park or Denny's!) so we were both pretty excited. I managed to resist ordering some kind of greasy sandwich and fries and got a side salad, baked potato and salmon. Very good actually. Later on, as we were watching Gettysburg on DVD (we brought it with us - this 4-hour movie - we only got through 2 hours of course!) I had some wheat thins. Actually looked at the serving size and everything! (16 chips)

It's been hard being hungry and eating well on this trip. I always have this notion that 'trips' should be fun and fun = eating whatever and whenever I want. (this has always been a challenge for Traby and I on our yearly vacations together - I'm sure we'll be blogging about that when the time comes [July 20th.]) But it's been hard for me to feel like I'm having 'fun' when I feel so restricted. that's really a big challenge. Especially since M. can eat anything he pleases (which means some huge breakfast combination at Perkins!)

My SF breakfast looked really good - it's definitely not lowfat however, so when the plate arrived (and they're so generous with the portions at B&Bs, God love 'em!) that I immediately decided to eat 1/2 of everything (some grits, blueberry muffin, egg casarole, sausagey-thing) and I did indeed feel full even with 1/2 of everything still on the plate. It was hard. Very hard. That stuff tasted GOOD! And then, what happens for me, is that the day's plans revolve around 'When do we get to eat next?' And it's stressful when we're not exactly sure. But this process is about 2 things (well, more than that, but this part is about 2 things)

1. opening up, letting go
2. being hungry and understanding that that's ok

So, we decided on the personal tour guide (highly recommend that!) who takes you on a 2-hour personal story-filled tour of the battlefields for $55 in your own car. Totally worth it. Our guide, Dennis, rocked. He knows all. But because we couldn't get started with that until 11:30, my 'eating' alarm was on high alert. But, I breathed. I calmed down. And realized, I wasn't actually starving. Important for me to note this. Hunger is very connected to fear in my book. (for reasons that might require another blog!) and around 2, we were sitting down at the Farnsworth Inn (after staring shocked, at the bullet holes in the south side of the restaurant's building. Again, hunger = fear. So sitting down to a menu really hungry is a situation not to be taken lightly. I got a fruit/cheese/cracker plate and some soup. And then managed to ask for a scoop of chicken salad. Not bad. Sadly, the 'cheese' was a 'spread' and the soup smelled a little like feet. Not sure what that was about. So, it was a pretty unfulfilling lunch, which makes me so angry inside as it taps into my already strong feelings of deprevation. Back to the breath. And the reassuring myself: this isn't all about food. It's all ok.

Afterwards, we decided to stop at ColdStone Creamery and I got a small cake batter light with sprinkles. Ok, I know this isn't sugar free. But there's room for an occasional sugary treat - especially one that's 'light' and isn't mixed with 600 more calories of toppings.

That puts us here, 6:30 PM after a nice nap. However, hunger abounds. Post-naps are another tricky time (ok, all my days are loaded with tricky times!) but I'm committed to having a snack and again, going to dinner, breathing, ordering something healthy, small and noting to myself that I will feel full. It's all about good decisions in these small moments. just one after another after another.

One Way To Do It

Since I'm feeling extremely nauseous today, I haven't eaten anything at all, let alone sugar. That's one way to do it. I'm hoping I feel up to my goal of walking Rocky later.

Spending time with KB last night was pretty sublime. Her energy and determination around making a new start are both uplifting and inspiring. We've been friends since 3rd grade, and over the years I've had many occasions to think, "Oh, this is why the universe brought her into my life" (or visa versa). Here I am again thinking that same thing. It feels like we're on the edge of a new part of our journey together as friends...together we're going to fling of all of those old habits and old ways of being out into the ether and instead we'll be with one another and meet one another in a fuller, more holistic way...on a level of truly acknowledging ourselves and the other and what we both want for ourselves. What a great way to see KB and to be seen by her...as powerful, wise, beautiful, dynamic women who go after what they want with determination and compassion.

Day One (AM)

Waking up from a fitful night sleep with various aches doesn't feel very inspiring for a healthy day ahead. But...I've committed to myself and frankly, this whole process comes down to very minute decisions. And one of them, is to have a healthy breakfast that's satisfying. So it's oatmeal (which I love!) raisins and granola. YUM. Last night Traby and I committed to 2 things today, mine were to be sugar-free and go to the gym. (brought my gym clothes and everything to work with me so I can go on the way home!) And Traby's were to be sugar free and take Rocky (Traby's very sweet dog, pictured here) on a walk! When I first moved closer to Traby, we were doing these 'Walkalinas' every week (my nickname for Rocky is Rockalina) but we've stopped doing that. We're hoping that come spring, we'll pick it up again. It was fun for us, healthy for us and of course, Rockalina loved it!

I also shared this project with Beth here at work - in light of Traby's comment about sharing and getting support. I know Beth will be really supportive and hold me accountable. Part of me doesn't want that though! HA!

I'm headed out for lunch today, but I've already committed to getting a salad. Here's hoping for a great day!

Our First Co-Post (not to be confused with Compost)

It's planning night for Traby and KB, finally! Yay us! We updated a few of our '43 things' because we both like the idea of being reminded of what cool women we are! And our 43 things have that affect! We're here in bed, drinking tea together that one very sweet boyfriend brought us! And it's reminding us being sweet to ourselves.

We're thinking we'd like to start out on our journey by acknowledging some intentions.

Traby:

1. plan meals (this is key!)
2. keeping up with food shopping
3. (traby just farted!)
4. taking some time every day to stop and check in with myself
5. everyday move in some way
6. abstain from sugar and white flour
7. share what I'm doing with others
8. reflect often about the costs and benefits
9. getting hungry with my stomach growling
10. little oneill (maybe baby traby!)

KB:

1. attend yoga once a week
2. got to gym 3 times a week
3. be mindful of what I'm putting in my mouth
4. blog often about feelings and struggles and successes!
5. be SF! (sugar-free!)
6. weigh myself once a week
   
7. drink more water
8. planning my lunches really well
9. no more hiding food
10. don't focus on what I'm deprived of
11. remember traby's in this with me
12. buy new yoga clothes (cause I'm bustin out of these ones!)

These are a LOT! We're reviewing them and feeling a little overwhelmed, but...we are triumphant! And we're approaching this with love and wholeness and compassion and our whole selves! We have what we need! Right here. It's like that story of the woman who has a precious jem and drops it and looks everywhere for it...but she can't find it. Only to discover it had fallen in her pocket and it was with her all along. No one is keeping this success from us but us, it's just needless suffering. So we're off!

Traby's First Try

Well, this is my first ever foray at posting anything about anything on a blog. And I'm not quite sure how I feel about it, frankly. First, I'm feeling pressure to somehow find a way to brilliantly convey every deep thought or emotion that I've ever had in one fell swoop. Secondly, my shame around the blog topic--getting healthy--is one of my most sore, secret and vulnerable dark places. Why would I want to put that darkness out there into the light of the blogosphere?

But, I'm choosing to trust two very wise people, Buddha and kb. Buddha said that "generosity brings joy; honesty brings peace," and kb feels that this blog will help us help ourselves, eachother, and maybe someone else out there who happens upon it. After all, kb's beautiful openness in her entries touched me very deeply. So, in the spirit of sharing myself generously and honestly, here goes...

For a long, long time I've struggled with treating my body with respect. I spend most of my day outside of my body and its sensations. Fortunately I've learned some grounding and breathing techniques to get myself back into my body, but I don't turn to them enough. I have trouble letting myself know what hungry feels like. I have a tendency toward physical inertness, and most of the time it takes everything in me to make that first move toward exercise or movement. I continually make choices based on immediate gratification rather than looking to a loving long-view of what I want my body to feel like. (Last night I ate a piece of apple pie for dinner because it was there on a plate and took no effort to prepare...just peeling off the saran wrap.)

The good news is that I've had very fulfilling experiences with making healthy choices for myself. I had a few months last fall where I fed myself healthy foods, and I've had experiences of moving my body in ways that I've enjoyed and loved. I know what's possible for me because I've felt it. And the biggest thing...the biggest difference or shift in me when I made these choices, was my truly believing that I'm worth more time than it takes to peel saran wrap off a piece of pie. I'm worth planning a meal for, going to Whole Foods for, cooking for, plating for. I'm worth it. And, you know what...the food tasted so much better when I was eating it from that place of self-love! And I felt fuller and more satisfied, too!

And, so, when I think about what I want (to make healthy choices) and what it's going to take to give it to myself, the only thing keeping me from doing just that is...me doing it. That's really it. It's just that simple. I'm finally seeing that if I keep waiting for perfect conditions in my environment, or until I feel a certain groundedness or security, it's never going to happen. I just have to go through the motions and re-commit, re-commit, re-commit to myself and what I want in every moment. Right now, in the light of loving support from my dearest kb, I believe.

So tonight kb and I finally get to spend some time together (even though I'm still sick with a cold/flu type thing). We'll finally get to do some planning and talking about how we can best support one another! Yay!

It's Wednesday

And Traby and I haven't met yet to get situated with our 'New Start.' But I know it's been on our minds. We DID however manage to book our rooms for our July vacay here. Wa-HOO. We even have a vacay wiki (private, and it's not interesting to anyone else but Traby and Kb anyway!) where we have a countdown. Currently, it's 116 days until departure!

At any rate...we've talked about some of our own eating issues via phone and also how those issues take root in our friendship and I think we've allowed some issues to surface, and they'll, ideally, float away since we no longer need them. It's tough stuff, breaking some bad eating habits, because they are so rooted in how we feel about ourselves and how we cope. Those are big things! Not easily undone. And I've become more and more convinced that there is no way but through compassion! And since she and are well-versed in compassionate ways with one another, we should be able to use compassion as a tool here! Right?

Tonight, I have plans to attend a beginning yoga class at Breathe Yoga Studio in the SassSide. I hope I go. It's scary, man.

Planning Day

Today, Traby and I are coming together to make a healthy dinner as a kick-off for our new start. I haven't seen her for a whole week! Our schedules have been outta whack, so I'm looking forward to our evening together. We're going to be very planner-y since we're going to talk about the 'New Start' project as well as our big vacay this July. I'm suggesting we break tradition (gasp!) and stay somewhere a little different (still Lake Michigan, but a little further north). We'll see how she responds to that one. It's 7 AM and I'm ready for breakfast - a healthy one!

But first, I decided to come clean with Maki about having lately hidden some food (easter candy to be exact!) and some other eating habits and thoughts that I keep pretty private. It's hard stuff, there's so much shame around it, but frankly I kept thinking of this as I was talking and how sharing secrets sets you free from them. So that feels like a very good start to what I'm hoping will be a very good day!

Background on the New Start

Today, though yesterday would have been more appropriate, being the first day of spring and all, my best friend of 25 years (since we were 9, dang!) are embarking on getting real, getting healthy, losing weight, waking up, becoming aware, whatever you'd like to call it, we're going to finally do it. I find, that in my job (as a liberrian) and in my personal life (reading, movies, music, etc) some of the great online tools are just that, really helpful tools. And in my own reading, I've spotted some great blogs that I believe, have inspired me to begin this one (hopefully, with the help of aforementioned best friend, Traby.) For example, 60 in 3 which I feel is a very straight-forward, inspiring and educational blog that could really keep me motivated (just yesterday I was reading this post (where he links to some great tips on being healthy) as I was making dinner and decided to drink a big glass of cold water before eating! Definitely a few I've heard before, but all know some things just need to keep coming at us! And I think blogs and online tools are a great way to constantly surround ourselves with the information (that's customizable) that will keep us going. I know Traby and I have different triggers for eating (some the same though) and if we can be reminded in all kinds of ways each day about what we really want and how to get it, I think that can play a key role in our success.

Other tools I believe will help:

• more blogs like Almost Vegetarian, Back in Skinny Jeans, Diet Blog, Elastic Waist, Shapely Prose and The Amazing Adventures of Diet Girl all of which I subscribe to in my Google Reader and have been getting a feel for over the past several weeks.
• Twitter: a tool I thought awfully useless until I began gathering followers and follow-ees. Makes a big difference. Not only are the fun people in my profession on there (there aren't that many!) but the gal from Skinny Jeans is there too!
• 43Things: where you can create goals (big or small) and get reminders, support and the love from strangers we all crave online! I find other goals in my life often parallel my healthy-factor. Is my goal to buy myself my own Easter basket this year full of those deadly peanut butter chocolate eggs? Or, am I working toward meditating a little more each day? See what I mean? Looking at them altogether in a list-like formation, reminds me of the cool, complete person I am.
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