Well, this is my first ever foray at posting anything about anything on a blog. And I'm not quite sure how I feel about it, frankly. First, I'm feeling pressure to somehow find a way to brilliantly convey every deep thought or emotion that I've ever had in one fell swoop. Secondly, my shame around the blog topic--getting healthy--is one of my most sore, secret and vulnerable dark places. Why would I want to put that darkness out there into the light of the blogosphere?
But, I'm choosing to trust two very wise people, Buddha and kb. Buddha said that "generosity brings joy; honesty brings peace," and kb feels that this blog will help us help ourselves, eachother, and maybe someone else out there who happens upon it. After all, kb's beautiful openness in her entries touched me very deeply. So, in the spirit of sharing myself generously and honestly, here goes...
For a long, long time I've struggled with treating my body with respect. I spend most of my day outside of my body and its sensations. Fortunately I've learned some grounding and breathing techniques to get myself back into my body, but I don't turn to them enough. I have trouble letting myself know what hungry feels like. I have a tendency toward physical inertness, and most of the time it takes everything in me to make that first move toward exercise or movement. I continually make choices based on immediate gratification rather than looking to a loving long-view of what I want my body to feel like. (Last night I ate a piece of apple pie for dinner because it was there on a plate and took no effort to prepare...just peeling off the saran wrap.)
The good news is that I've had very fulfilling experiences with making healthy choices for myself. I had a few months last fall where I fed myself healthy foods, and I've had experiences of moving my body in ways that I've enjoyed and loved. I know what's possible for me because I've felt it. And the biggest thing...the biggest difference or shift in me when I made these choices, was my truly believing that I'm worth more time than it takes to peel saran wrap off a piece of pie. I'm worth planning a meal for, going to Whole Foods for, cooking for, plating for. I'm worth it. And, you know what...the food tasted so much better when I was eating it from that place of self-love! And I felt fuller and more satisfied, too!
And, so, when I think about what I want (to make healthy choices) and what it's going to take to give it to myself, the only thing keeping me from doing just that is...me doing it. That's really it. It's just that simple. I'm finally seeing that if I keep waiting for perfect conditions in my environment, or until I feel a certain groundedness or security, it's never going to happen. I just have to go through the motions and re-commit, re-commit, re-commit to myself and what I want in every moment. Right now, in the light of loving support from my dearest kb, I believe.
But, I'm choosing to trust two very wise people, Buddha and kb. Buddha said that "generosity brings joy; honesty brings peace," and kb feels that this blog will help us help ourselves, eachother, and maybe someone else out there who happens upon it. After all, kb's beautiful openness in her entries touched me very deeply. So, in the spirit of sharing myself generously and honestly, here goes...
For a long, long time I've struggled with treating my body with respect. I spend most of my day outside of my body and its sensations. Fortunately I've learned some grounding and breathing techniques to get myself back into my body, but I don't turn to them enough. I have trouble letting myself know what hungry feels like. I have a tendency toward physical inertness, and most of the time it takes everything in me to make that first move toward exercise or movement. I continually make choices based on immediate gratification rather than looking to a loving long-view of what I want my body to feel like. (Last night I ate a piece of apple pie for dinner because it was there on a plate and took no effort to prepare...just peeling off the saran wrap.)
The good news is that I've had very fulfilling experiences with making healthy choices for myself. I had a few months last fall where I fed myself healthy foods, and I've had experiences of moving my body in ways that I've enjoyed and loved. I know what's possible for me because I've felt it. And the biggest thing...the biggest difference or shift in me when I made these choices, was my truly believing that I'm worth more time than it takes to peel saran wrap off a piece of pie. I'm worth planning a meal for, going to Whole Foods for, cooking for, plating for. I'm worth it. And, you know what...the food tasted so much better when I was eating it from that place of self-love! And I felt fuller and more satisfied, too!
And, so, when I think about what I want (to make healthy choices) and what it's going to take to give it to myself, the only thing keeping me from doing just that is...me doing it. That's really it. It's just that simple. I'm finally seeing that if I keep waiting for perfect conditions in my environment, or until I feel a certain groundedness or security, it's never going to happen. I just have to go through the motions and re-commit, re-commit, re-commit to myself and what I want in every moment. Right now, in the light of loving support from my dearest kb, I believe.
So tonight kb and I finally get to spend some time together (even though I'm still sick with a cold/flu type thing). We'll finally get to do some planning and talking about how we can best support one another! Yay!
No comments:
Post a Comment