Here I Am

Well, I've certainly come to a new level of awareness around habit, lately. Especailly my habits around eating. For the past several weeks I've been eating all kinds of junk, sugar and imbalanced meals. I've also been eating just to eat when I'm not at all hungry, going for that super stuffed feeling. My energy has decreased hugely. My stomach gets upset more often. I've experienced changes in my body chemistry, like the taste in my mouth, etc. I'm cranky, uncentered, and sleepy. I set a goal to take good care of myself with exercise and food, and I ignore it daily, and that makes me miserable. I've gained back 5 pounds. What additional information do I need to be convinced that mindfulness is a sort of panacea to my own dis-ease? Why do I choose to revel in needless suffering when freedom is a shift away?

Sigh.

And there's definitely a bit of a viscious circle here. My stress level makes me feel tired, cranky, and imbalanced, and then I eat junk to comfort myself because of it. And then the way the junk food fuels my body makes me feel more tired, cranky, and imbalanced...get it? Ugh!

But like KB said, external stress factors are never going to go away. There's always going to be some reason to feel off my rocker. So mindfulness in all things is what I want to go for. Lightness, too. When I can be light with myself and the choices I have to make, everything shifts. If I'm faced with a choice between a cookie and an apple, I can take joy in the fact that I have a choice between a cookie and an apple, check in about what I want, and move with whatever is there. Or I can be angry that I have a choice between a cookie and an apple, and then move what whatever is there. The key is being mindful of where I am in any given moment, and these last few weeks I've been a full out zombie when it comes to eating and many other things, too.

But today I chose yogurt for breakfast, and a chicken/apple salad for lunch. I'm already feeling much better. I think I need to get a tattoo on the back of my hand that says something like, "I create my own experience with the choices I make." What freedom in that! Now if I can only remember...