So, it's been very very tough lately for Traby and me. We've both lost a lot of our energy and willingness around this endeavor. However, it's still on our hearts. Various things throughout the days remind me - getting out of breath from walking up some stairs, buying summer clothes, thinking about buying a bathing suit, thinking about my wedding. And the biggest thing is how bad I feel about myself when I'm not taking care of myself. The overtly bad choices I continue to make may alleviate some stress very temporarily, but it creates such negativity overall and changes the whole tone of my days and nights. It's funny how some good choices in just one day can lift that negativity and allow me to see myself infinitely more compassionately and lovingly - it's because I was compassionate and loving toward myself with those choices. So this morning, I woke with a renewed sense of hope (even though I have a huge zit on my cheek that makes me want to crawl into a hole!)
And as shallow as this might sound, I'm afraid of the pictures of my wedding - if I know the 5 months leading up to it that I didn't take care of myself and try to make good choices, it's going to be very hard to look at those pictures with joy. But if i make an attempt, I can imagine those pictures are going to show a different kind of presence.
Today, I'm trying to be sugar-free. Small goal - big deal.
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