Business

The Business of Eating.

This is what has been striking me the last few days. It's work, really. I don't imagine it will always be work, but for now it feels like work. I know that changing any habits feels like work, I can imagine trying to quit smoking and feeling consumed, night and day, by the desire. And right now, when I'm not otherwise occupied, I feel pretty consumed. But, what's notable, and worth reminding myself of, is that I also feel the disappearance of that very dark cloud I usually live under. That one that gets fueled by binging and overeating despite my higher self's goals and wishes. It's pretty tough to, every day (and every meal practically!) crush that desire to be healthy over and over again. I sometimes chuckle to think how it is somewhat comparable to wanting to get a college degree, and every day, filling out the application and then tearing it up. Every single day. That's bound to make one pretty depressed and feel disallusioned and ever so slightly confused about why one isn't getting accepted into college and why one hasn't moved any closer to that college degree.

So, back to the business of eating. The business of feeding myself. I totally resonate with Traby's words about the after-work-block of time. It's a very delicate space. Hunger, tiredness and the strong desire to just check-out for a bit spells disaster for me and my eating. But the reminder that there are more ways to get rejuvinated and refreshed than binging is key. And that hunger is real, so I have to figure out how to deal with that. And the past few days, it's been by eating a small container of low-fat yogurt. If I allow it, it will curb that hunger. And then allow me to make some choices about how I want to spend my alone time from 4-6 PM. And of course, make better decisions on what's for dinner.

Tonight, we're having skirt steak with potatoes and roasted tomatoes. A pretty well-balanced meal. And I had a great salad for lunch with a hard-boiled egg and some cashews. Dinner is cooking as I'm typing and I feel pretty grounded and more present in my body. I'm writing, cooking, and as Traby reiterated, breathing.