When You Eat, Just Eat

Wait, wait, what?!?! The concept of eating without simultaneously directing my attention to something else is SO foreign to me. When I'm at work, I eat while surfing the internet or doing work. When I'm home, I mostly eat while watching TV. If not that, then Darren and I are talking, and I'm certainly not focussing on my food. When I'm out, I'm with someone. The thought of eating alone at a restaurant without a magazine or book to bury my face into is terrifying. (To me, this is how it goes without the book, "Oh, look at that poor fat girl eating all alone. Pity!" OUCH! With the book, at least they can think I'm well read, and I don't have to make eye contact with anyone.)

Good news, though...Darren and I have taken to eating most dinners in the dining room now, as opposed to the family room in front of the TV. When we eat in the family room, we sit on the couch and lean way over to our plates on the coffee table like neanderthals. We've been doing this for 5 years and just figured out how uncomfortable it is! So now we eat sitting up like real grown-ups at the dining room table with music in the background. Ahhhh! Much better. The food tastes better, and we talk more. I have to say that this shift has made me more mindful of my food, but not as aware as I'd like to be.

The other night Darren was out shooting hoops, and, due to a complicated innocent miscomunication (I'll spare you the details), I found myself sitting at the dining room table eating alone with no music, no TV, no book...not even a dog to talk to! I didn't have time to move due to an upcoming appointment, so there I was. It felt awful! I didn't know what to do with myself. I honestly felt physically uncomfortable and restless, all because my mind had nothing to occupy it but the room I was in and the food I was eating. Decidedly not enough stimuli! I found myself eating really fast to get it over with. I thought of the meditation below, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

So, there you have it. I am so in the habit of not being present in my eating that I couldn't even consider entering into an opportunity to really be with eating my food. All of this makes me more aware of how habitually asleep I've become to experiencing the sensations of eating. Like KB said, food is fuel, but it's only by listening to my body that I'll know just how much and which kinds of fuel to give it.